EXPANDING HORIZONS
In four days time I head off to Kenya to present a keynote speech for Breathe Africa International.
Let me start this article by clarifying that the conference invites speakers from many parts of the world, but is primarily organised and populated by African Breathwork and other facilitators and staff. It’s important to me that cultural privilege is acknowledged in this trip, personal privilege as well, and that I find myself in a position to be able to say yes to this invitation finds me humbled, honoured and grateful in equal measure.
It's fair to say that where I find myself in my life now feels good. I have relative creative freedom, relative financial freedom, and the freedom of choice available to me. My children are grown up, my time belongs to me and I’m thankful for it all, but my life has not always been that way!
For me, this ‘choice’ available to me is the result of over three decades of absolute devotion to the healing of my own past. Most of the time, that devotion felt a long way from choice and it’s fairer to say that my actions came from either desperation, necessity or total surrender to some force greater than I am to simply to stay afloat, to pay my bills, and to stay alive. So perhaps you can imagine for a moment why my gratitude practice is now a living part of my own recognition that YES! life is damn tough sometimes but YES! it can, and does change if we show up for ourselves relentlessly and with unending faith.
When I began my arduous journey out of 7 years hardcore heroin addiction at the age of 25, I really had no idea if I’d make it to the end of the next day, never mind the next month or the next year, but what I did know (falteringly at times) was that I had a will to live, and a will to get better.
I had to befriend my own crushing inner demons daily, and confront my most brutally damaged parts (IFS reference) to be able to keep going; perhaps you relate as you read this? Perhaps you know those places too? Where are you on that journey right now? Do you have community and resource to see you through? I do hope so.
Short cut through 3o plus years of plant medicines, therapy, movement and somatic practices and more, and the breath has become my dharma. I’ve built my community from it, I’ve healed my body with it, I’ve made lifelong friends in it, and it keeps on giving. That’s the nature of breath - the ongoing dance between the inhale and the exhale, the yang and the yin, the active and the receptive.
The breath mirrors our hearts, our minds and our stories which is why you often hear me talking about breathwork being a form of ‘soul retrieval’ where we get to reclaim and repair the broken pieces and form new wholeness from the wreckage. The wreckage however is my (our) gift - it’s how I can see and feel deep compassion for those still fighting to stay here - to stay alive. It’s how I can recognise and hold boundaries well where once none existed. It’s how I have become willing to “speak my truth” even when I’m afraid to do so, because I’ve learnt that not doing so shows up in my body pretty fast and makes me ill. I’ve learned how to develop TRUE resilience which doesn’t look or feel like an over defended fortress any more.
My greatest desire as I age in life is to give back; to be in service to human beings doing their best but who are sometimes needing a hand. I’ve had many hands held out to me….
I also have a great desire and intention to have fun, to lighten up, to experience pleasure and adventure - let’s not make it all about the ‘work’! As I prepare for my next great adventure in Africa, my plan is to stand on that stage and speak from my heart about my own story, our story, and in doing so, in risking new forms of vulnerability (perhaps our most potent Superpower) to give permission for others to share their stories and collectively heal.
As I witness the prowess of the hunting lions, the wisdom and steadiness of the old elephants, the grace of the giraffe and the kookyness of the zebra, the stillness of the crocodile, and the community of the wildebeest, I am in awe of this life I’ve created for myself! I’m not even sure how I did it beyond continually following the nudges from Great Spirit.
Once I looked up at the stars from the desperate and lonely vantage point of lying in the gutters of a Covent Garden (London) tube station in deep and violent withdrawals. Now, I intend to look up at them seeing nothing but the inky black stillness of peace and a life I’m immensely grateful for.
Join me in honouring how far YOU have come already, and remember - don’t give up - you’ve got this!
More to come….
